You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
