Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
