remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
