i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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