Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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