she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
