WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
