Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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