Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.