I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis