those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused