so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.