Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas