Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in