I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"