last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i now understand why vodka
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
