Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
