tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
