Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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