My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
