My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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