my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
