I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
