yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
