The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
