I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
