yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
