I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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