Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
