He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize