Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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