we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
