everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
