I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
