He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
