dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think brook has ever known best
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
