Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
