forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
babies were throwing up all over the place
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
