So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
