The maid of honor just puked.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
