OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
