Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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