cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
