I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
