Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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