Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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