i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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