Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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