Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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