I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
