You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
