don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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