You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
