I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
