all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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