I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
