well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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