No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
