I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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