I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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