and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
