and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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