then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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