I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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