It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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