do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize