Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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