Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
